Note: I should have started with a World Series version but didn’t have a game board ready by then.


Welcome to the first ever episode of the Galaxy Games “for reals” home edition! As you know, the Galaxy Games are the most popular contest in our galaxy, based on a logic puzzle that developed independently on over a million different worlds.

On Earth, that game popularly goes by the name of Tic-Tac-Toe, although other names are also in use across the planet, including Naughts and Crosses.

The Players

Tonight’s competition will pit Donald “The Bulldog” Trump against Hillary “Bottled Lightning” Clinton in a high-stakes winner-takes-all battle. The winner will receive a four-year term of control over the executive branch of the United States, which we’re told is one of Planet Earth’s most prestigious administrative districts.

The Game Board

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The Rules

Players will battle simultaneously in these battleground states as well as additional states whose electoral votes will all be counted toward the Bonus Jackpot in the center square. Battleground state squares will be awarded based on the projections by Earth-based news networks. The first team whose projected electoral vote total reaches 270 or more will take the center square.

The first player to score three in a row, column, or diagonally, will receive all the honor and glory that comes with winning the Galaxy Games.

In addition, the player who takes the Bonus Jackpot will get:

  • Four years of rent-free living in a big white house;
  • Access to all-expense-paid travel aboard a presidential-themed airplane;
  • A cool theme song;
  • Free admission to periodic state dinners;
  • A challenging set of job responsibilities;
  • A government pension;
  • Lifetime Secret Service protection;
  • and more!

9:30PM EST Update

Voting has ended in most states on the Eastern side of the country. As returns are being counted, all 8 of the battleground states on our gameboard are still in play. In the fight for the Bonus Jackpot in the center square, Donald Trump has a projected 128 EVs toward the 270+ total needed while Hillary Clinton has 97 EVs toward the 270+ total needed.

It’s going to be a long night.

9:45PM EST Update

At the moment, Trump is ahead in Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, and Ohio. With North Carolina and Georgia, and adding in Nevada, Trump could win the game without winning the Jackpot.

New Hampshire and Pennsylvania are currently leaning toward Clinton. If these states were to hold in her column and if she were to also add Arizona, she could win the game without winning the Jackpot.

There are no results yet from Arizona while voting is still ongoing in Nevada.

10:21PM EST Update

Donald Trump is first on the Tic-Tac-Toe board, taking the South Square with a projected win in Ohio.

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11:07PM EST Update

CNN is projecting that Donald Trump will win the Northeast Square by taking North Carolina.

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That puts another row, column, and diagonal out of Hillary Clinton’s hands.

I don’t know that I can stay up for this entire thing but will try to keep up a bit longer.

11:41PM EST Update

It’s not looking good for Clinton as Trump picks up the North Square with a win projected in Florida. She needs Pennsylvania and the Bonus Jackpot just to block, and Trump has a 216 to 209 EV edge at the moment.

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10:50PM EST Update

The board is looking ugly, but Clinton can still win the East Column with wins in New Hampshire, Arizona, and Pennsylvania.

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12:08AM EST Update

It’s Wednesday morning on the East Coast and Trump is edging closer to the 270 electoral votes needed to win the Bonus Jackpot in the Center Square. He leads Clinton 238 to 209 at the moment.

12:33AM EST Update

Clinton is finally on the board and scores a block by taking the Southwest Square and Nevada.

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1:00AM EST Update

I’m putting the game on hold out of respect for all who are legitimately terrified about the results of this election. Honestly, I thought the election would go in a very different direction and that this game would be a lot more fun.

Goodnight, America!

Final Update

Votes are still being counted, and electoral votes in Michigan have yet to be awarded, but of approximately 132 million votes cast, no candidate will receive an outright majority. The current expectation is that Hillary Clinton will receive a larger plurality of the popular vote, while Donald Trump will receive a larger number of electoral votes.

The ultimate winner in the popular vote total, as expected, will be”Nobody” with approximately 100 million non-votes among the estimated 232 million US citizens eligible to vote. Donald Trump’s victory of around 100,000 votes in the three battleground states of Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin will be enough to put him over the top in the electoral college–and will represent only about one-tenth of one percent of the voters who sat on their hands instead of going to the polls.

Congratulations where congratulations are due, and much consolation and virtual hugs for everyone who needs them. Four years from now, when Donald Trump must defend his Tic-Tac-Toe championship status against some scrappy newcomer, keep in mind that your vote is needed and that every vote counts!

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